It Pays to be Polite in France

"A cup of coffee" - € 7.00
"A cup of coffee, please" - € 4.25
"Hello, a cup of coffee, please" - € 1.40

At this café in Nice, France, minding your manners can significantly reduce the price of your coffee.

Of course, this was meant as a humorous way to remind customers to be polite, but it’s a great illustration of the French attitude toward good manners. 

In France the “courtesy words and phrases” are very important and NOT optional.  Fortunately, they’re easy to master, but if you can’t manage them in French, at least say them in English.  More than likely, the French will understand you and think that you’re a polite person who doesn’t speak French – which is, of course, much better than being thought of as a rude person who doesn’t speak French. So if you want to be polite in France (and I’m sure you do), here are some easy words and phrases (along with my attempt at phonetic pronunciation) to help you on your way:

Hello & Goodbye

• Bonjour (bon zhure) = hello – As you can see from the coffee example above, greeting someone before placing an order or asking a question has much more importance in France than it does in the US or UK. (And you can save € 5.60 on a coffee.)  In France, you should never approach a sales person and immediately ask a question.  Always start with a polite greeting:  Bonjour or, even better, Bonjour Madame or Bonjour Monsieur (muh shure). Then you can ask your question.  I have to admit to having committed this error myself once (or twice).  I was in a hurry and just went up to a clerk and blurted out my request.  She looked at me and slowly said “Bonjour Madame” in a tone that said, “Did we leave our manners at home this morning?” (Ouch)  Then, of course, I had to say “Bonjour Madame” and start over with my question.  So it just saves time (and embarrassment) to remember to greet people first.   Bonjour should also be said when you enter a shop.  You don’t need to direct it to anyone in particular, just a general bonjour will do.  When I go into a shop, I say “bonjour”, even if I don’t see anyone, because I am sure there is someone somewhere watching to see how polite I am.
• Bonsoir (bon swa) = good evening – At a certain point during the afternoon, Bonjour will become Bonsoir.  There is no precise hour when this occurs and it’s not a big deal if you say bonjour instead of bonsoir.  But if someone greets you with bonsoir you can reply with bonsoir.
• Au revoir (oh rev wa) = goodbye – Just like it’s polite to say bonjour when arriving, you should say au revoir when leaving.  When exiting a shop, say “Merci, au revoir”.

 Please & Thank You

These are magic words in both cultures.

• S’il vous plaît (seel voo play) = please. This is very important; just add it to the end of every request.
• Merci (mer see) = thank you.  It’s good manners everywhere to thank people when they do something for you.
• Je vous en prie (zhuh voo zon pree) = you’re welcome.  This is the standard response when someone thanks you. That might be a bit of a mouthful if you don’t speak French, but depending on the situation you might also use:
  • Merci à vous (mer see ah voo) = thank YOU (returning the thanks to the other person).
  • Avec plaisir (aveck play zir) = It was my pleasure.
  • But often, just a smile and nod will be sufficient.

By using just these few words and phrases, you will have the French marvelling at what a well mannered person you are.  But if you really want to make a good impression, here are a few other things to be aware of:

• Do you speak English?  Don’t assume that everyone speaks English.  What would you think if you were in your home town and a French tourist approached and just started asking you questions in French?  You might think they were a bit rude, no?  So start with a bonjour – even if it’s badly pronounced.  Then ask, “Do you speak English?”  If they don’t understand, then you have your answer.  But they will probably say, “a little bit” and then try to help you in English.
• Wait to be seated in restaurants.
• Ask for the bill.  Normally the waiter will not bring the bill until you ask for it because it would not be polite to hurry the customers.  So when you are ready, ask for “l’addition, s’il vous plaît” (la dee shon, seel voo play).
• Tone it down – In general, the French are a quieter bunch than… the Americans, for example. Talk and laugh at a moderate volume.
• Don’t take up more space than you need.  If you are two people, don’t take a table for four – even if there are lots of empty tables.  Don’t take up the entire sidewalk.
• Put money on the counter instead of handing it to the person you are paying.  Of course, there are exceptions.  If the person holds out their hand, by all means give them the money, but generally it’s more polite to place it on the counter.
• Keep your cool – Hopefully you won’t have any major problems, but sometimes things can go wrong.  Normally (if you have been polite) you will find the French to be very helpful.  But be warned, you will get nowhere by demanding your rights, yelling, or asking to see a manager. (The “customer is always right” philosophy has not caught on here and managers stick up for their employees) If you want to be helped, you must, above all, remain calm and polite.

So there you have it, the secrets of French politeness – and how not to overpay for a cup of coffee.  Do you have anything to add?  Let me know.

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Margo Lestz

Margo has authored seven books and writes mostly about France and England. She has a BA in Liberal Studies with International Emphasis and enjoys travel, languages, history, writing, and experiencing other cultures.

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